One Million AC/DC
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is a sex-drenched caveman comedy from a script by ED WOOD. Yes, the amazing Edward D. Wood, Jr. allegedly wrote this softcore prehistoric sex epic (probably on one side of a cocktail napkin) under the nom de plume "Akdon Telmig" (one letter away from "Vodka Gimlet").
"Nothing has changed much down through the ages. Man has to kill. Man has to eat. Man has to have his women." Which is pretty much the plot. The laughs start immediately as two cavebabes feel up their tits then jump on a screaming virgin and painfully deflower her with a giant tusk. Hardee-har-har...
Then a big fat caveman (JACK KING of The Toy Box
) looks directly into the camera and says, "Tragedy is happening." Outside, in front of their cave at Bronson Canyon, a dinosaur eats a woman. The closeups seem to be played by a man of average height inside a silly looking dino Halloween suit (which also appears in The Mighty Gorga
) whose rubber claw promptly tears the cave girl's bra off. The long shots are played by a tiny plastic toy. Honest. After the gal is chowed, the fat guy again stares into the camera and says, "Tragedy is done."
The hilarity continues as cavebabe Marla grabs some grapes. A prehistoric thug comes up behind her and grabs her breasts. GARY KENT comes to the rescue, spears the thug to death, then takes the grapes for himself. Get it? He took the grapes, not the girl! Are you laughing yet?
In between there's a running gag about a gal getting screwed by an ape; a catfight between two gals intercut with the dueling lizards from One Million B.C.; much discussion of grapes ("Hey, you know, these are pretty good fucking grapes!"); a big sloppy orgy, and lines like "I'm off to see the lizard!"
At one point, Mr. Kent, an exploitation vet of such diverse epics as One Shocking Moment
, Satan's Sadists
, Schoolgirls in Chains
and The Hard Road
, walks up to the camera, stares directly into the lens, and sings (to the tune of "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow"): "The spear goes into the monster, the spear goes into the monster, the spear goes into the monnnnnsterrrrr... the monster loses his mind." Yikes.
From a 35mm d.t.'s-with-dinosaurs print. -- Frank Henenlotter
Susan BerkelyOther cast:
Sharon Wells, Jack KingDirected by:
Ed De Priest