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You wonít believe this one! Rites of Uranus
opens with a close-up of a huge lit candle stuck up some poor girlís ass. She is naked upon the "Altar of Love". A group of guys in ratty monk robes called "Uranus-ites" sing "Hail to your Anus!" as they stand around turtle-waxing their genitalia.
Lo and behold, they are a religious cult that worships the poop chute. Disciples hand out flyers on street corners. ("Lost? Find yourself in Uranus.") The latest inductee is a sleepy-eyed vixen named Sara, who is initiated into the cult. She is forced to watch a variety of spermy sex scenes, with the camera practically climbing into every winking sphincter.
Their leader delivers a sermon: "Your anus takes my thrust and the penetrating force of my grey, hot venom shall shatter the sanctity of the mind!" (Right about now youíll be asking yourself, "What in godís name am I watching?!") Before you can say "Preparation H", Saraís puckered pooper is ready for a poke. After a torrid threesome with Sara and another butt-slut, the cult leader drops dead! Sara is handcuffed and tossed in the dungeon. ("I didnít kill him! This is a puzzle, an enigma!) "Praise be to the mighty cock." says the High Priestess, who blows the corpse.
Eventually, Sara escapes and gets caught. She finds herself spread-eagled on the sacrificial altar, naked as a peeled banana. As sheís soundly banged by one of the cultees, the High Priestess pulls out the sacred "Sword of Uranus" (available for only $9.95 at all K-Mart stores) and jams it up his rectum. (Kids, donít try this at home.) Sara finds out the High Priest of Ass is alive (huh?!). "I sat on your face. I thought I killed you?" she says dazed. She leaves and another new member is sworn in.--Mike Accomando, Dreadful Pleasures