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Bet you didnít know Woody Allen once starred In a Seventies skinflick comedy about mobsters in Hollywood where he got his face buried between the boobs of USCHI DIGART and even had a sex scene with HAJI. Well... he didnít. But Woody-Alien wannabe FRANK CORSENTINO did. Though the poor guy really isnít funny despite being a dead ringer for Woody and having Allenís shtick down pat, itís nevertheless still a bit disconcerting to see an almost-Woody surrounded by so much female flesh and even smack in the middle of an R-rated orgy.
Corsentino plays a nebbish named Seymour (naturally), who lives with his mother, works for a catering company, and spends his time daydreaming about being with naked women. In fact, Bang! Bang! The Mafia Gang often reminds one of the nudie cuties of a decade earlier where a comic would wander through a landscape of shapely nudes without ever getting any. Itís pretty much the same thing here except that the nudity is more explicit and the fake Woody gets to nail both Haji and Uschi.
It happens when Seymour is assigned to cater the "film festival party" of "the most famous and the most beautiful woman in all Hollywood, "Maria Manina (cat-eyed Haji, best known for Russ Meyerís Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! And Good Morning... and Goodbye). Full of naked people (mixed with sexploitation starlets such as TERRI JOHNSON and LYNN HARRIS) and billed by Maria as "the freakiest party of them all, the bash quickly engulfs Seymour who gets stoned and leaves in a daze. The next day, Maria meets ultra-fat Mafia boss Don Marco who is pretending to be Fellini, uh, rather, Fettudne, the "noted international film director" as a way of smuggling jewels, hidden in his crotch, into the U.S. However, the moment Don Marco gets into Mariaís car, he tells her to take off her clothes which is when Woody... uh, Seymour, pops up in the back seat, giving a startled Don Marco a fatal heart attack. Haw, haw!
But since Mariaís stepfather is being held hostage until the jewels are sold, she begs Seymour to get into Don Marcoís oversized clothes and pretend to be "the head of the entire Cosa Nostra." It also means Seymour must duplicate Don Marcoís voracious sexual appetite even though Seymour is, of course, still a virgin....
The hilarity...The hilarity....
Oddly, for a movie that up until now has remained rather obscure, Bang! Bang The Mafia Gang was in release through most of the Seventies under a variety of titles. Originally shot and released as Up Your Alley, the title was then changed to Bang! Bang! The Mafia Gang (aka simply The Mafia Gang), then Sex or Bust, and finally The Melon Affair, the moniker on this print. It should not, however, be confused with The Mafia Girls or, for that matter, Annie Hall. From a 35mm mobsters-&-melons print. óHandsome Harry Archer
Starring: Frank Corsentino
Other cast: Michael Finn , Marius Mazmanian , Lee McLaughlin
Directed by: Art Leiberman