Here’s a chance to see legendary boneslinger JOHN HOLMES on one of his earliest appearances.
Smash Or How To Get Hung,
(if you figure out what the title means let me know) is a porno spoof of General Hospital
. A very skinny John Holmes plays Dr. Willdare (Kildare, get it?) who’s planning on performing a sex-change operation on "Sue", who longs for a penis. (Sue sports five o’clock shadow and a wig even Tina Turner wouldn’t wear.) Assisting Willdare will be Dr. Galen Knight (Mona
's JUDY ANGEL) and their arch-enemy, the oily Dr. Ken Chasey (Ben Casey, clever, huh?)
Dr. Chasey will have you screaming. He talks like Fred the Elephant Boy on the Howard Stern Show
. His bedside manner includes feeling up the nurses during surgery. Chasey "operates" on various nympho nurses, telling them, "It’s my craving, baby. I feel it now!" (Huh? This guy needs subtitles.)
This film is like a goofy episode of Love American Style
(except with a bevy of beaver). There’s a running gag featuring a "Dr. Dill S. Pee" who thinks he’s a daredevil biker. He pretends he’s peeling rubber, on a cycle in his office. There’s a gay male nurse who masturbates while looking at himself in the mirror. Later on during some sexcapades a horny nurse rips his clothes off and gives him a dildo-dorking ("What do you think about that, my little fag friend!")
Dr. Willdare and Galen fall in love. Their romantic chatter goes like this: (Him) "Your chest, I must admire it." (Her) "Cover me with your eyes, you beautiful man." "Yes," he deadpans. Eventually he/she/it can’t get it hard. "I fear we’ve failed. The cock is there but it refuses to spit at us in medical glory," says Dr. Willdare sadly. "I told you it wouldn’t work, you asshole," scowls Dr. Chasey.Marcus Welby is probably spinning in his grave like a roulette wheel.
--Mike Accomando, Dreadful Pleasures
Judy AngelDirected by: